I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
