she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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