I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
