I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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