and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
