what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
