I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
