there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
