I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
