We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
