I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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