i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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