What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
