Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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