I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
