His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
