I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
