you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
did i walk over a car last night?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
