we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
