we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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