Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
there's paper in my vomit.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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