And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
