His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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