Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
