on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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