May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
