If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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