Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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