If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
