I accidentally burped into my bong.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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