just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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