Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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