So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
They have beer where we have blood.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
