I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
