You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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