Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
