So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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