That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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