Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
