Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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