You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
