I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize