i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
