Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
