At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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