Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Small penises have feelings too.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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