walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
