who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
