well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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