At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
