Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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