We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
