lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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