Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm too high and old for this...
how drunk are you?
Several
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
