dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
