I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
