In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
