When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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