note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You're like the curious george of whores
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
