Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
