i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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