I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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