I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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