Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
