im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
