That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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