wrigley field is MILF paradise
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
