woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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