i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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