There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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