how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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